Check out our Christmas Gift Guides!
 

Blog

THE LATEST

It’s been three years without you…

I sat down and wrote this because talking about how I feel or what’s in my head isn’t something that comes easy to me. I usually find my words in a song and then it all makes sense. Three years ago it was Blank Stares by Jay Allen, and this year it’s Til You Can’t by Cody Johnson. The bridge of this song is everything to me … it’s how I live every day and what I would do for one more phone call.

I know that this blog post might only resonate with some, but I hope just one person reads this and knows that they aren’t alone. I am with you, every damn day – those tears I share with you. And for everyone else, make that phone call to whoever is your momma figure in your life, and just soak it in. Well… here it is, how I feel three years after losing my momma.

How do you be a momma without yours? Well, I am still trying to answer that question.

I lost my mom three years ago to dementia … I should say 12 years ago. I mourned the loss of my mom as we drove around for mundane everyday errands, enjoying endless Dunkin’ donuts drive through orders, and hashing through squams about what the menu should be for a holiday gathering. I watched her slip away as I sat next to her.

I stumbled across a blog post I wrote for the first Mother’s Day without her … and it immediately brought me back to 2019.

She came up to visit for the last time two months before her passing and lucky for me, she ended up watching my kids for the night, with the supervision of my dad and uncle of course. But, looking back, how lucky was I? How lucky were my kids? I have pictures and videos that often land as my top memories on my iPhone. Who would’ve thought when my uncle pressed that red button, this was the very last memory that my kids would have of their nana and honestly, that I would have of my momma?

I often find myself, fighting back the tears, holding back the anger, and counting down the minutes of my day until I can lay down, and escape into my thoughts. I walk by a teenage girl shopping with her mom, and I immediately go back years. I remember fighting over the “outfits” I could purchase or couldn’t. I overhear a new grandma talking to her daughter and helping her figure out the feeding schedule. I can hear the frustration in the new momma’s voice, and I fight every urge to walk over, hug her, and to whisper in her ear, have patience, you will miss this. I walk by the daughter, helping her momma out of her car as they walk into her favorite restaurant to enjoy her favorite meal during their weekly date, that is always prescheduled. All of this is gone, this relationship of a mother and daughter. I’m in a motherless world, with nowhere to turn, and I’m in a daughterless world, with no one to look to.

Days go by, some are easy, others are not. I find myself cursing Jesus, praising Jesus, and begging Jesus for help. I used to feel your presence daily … but not as much as I once did. I always felt confident that I could feel you, and that you wouldn’t leave me alone in this world. But as the years stretch on, your presence is weaker and the older I am getting. I pray to have the conversations we had over tea, the talks we had as I cried myself to sleep, and the fights we had over where I thought I was going on Saturday night.

No one prepares you to raise a family without your momma, but if there is any time in life where you need your mom most its then. I mean, who is supposed to help me understand why my two-year-old is losing his mind over white cheese versus yellow cheese, chicken nugget over fish stick or water over juice. The only manual I’ve ever seen on being a great mama is written in the love language demonstrated by your own.

And because of that, trying to navigate the every day, the big decisions, and all the things that come with being a momma – I rely on my memories, some of which are so clear it’s like it was yesterday, others that are faded, almost gone from my mind. But I know that she is watching me, watching them, and whispering softly in my ear which way to go. Until we meet again, I’ll walk this road alone, hopefully making you proud along the way.

me and my momma at Garth Brooks

If you can’t tell my momma means the world to me and I wouldn’t be who I am today without her. This year, my family and I have decided to start a foundation in her honor, A Beacon of Hope Foundation, with 100% going to Alzheimer’s research. It just has to stop – stay tuned for more info, but we’re doing this, and we will fight until there is a cure, solid treatment, and prevention.

I got my head up momma.

Welcome to the OPD Blog!

Hi! We are Heather & Dianne and we’re the proud owners of Only Prettier Design...wedding florists and designers! Our shop in the greater Boston area is filled with fresh blooms and all the home decor to make your heart swoon. Besides entrepreneurs, we are also busy moms to 4 kiddos each! Our lives are crazy, but beautiful. We are excited to share our story with you, all while keeping it very real. While we’re super excited to show you how to execute a beautiful tablescape and design a stunning floral arrangement...we also want this to be a place to share the real struggles of balancing work and life while creating a life we love!

You May Also Like…

Fall Coffee Table Arrangements

Fall Coffee Table Arrangements

Change is in the air! We can’t deny the chill the setting sun brings—nearly an hour earlier than this time a month...

The Only Prettier Design Team

The Only Prettier Design Team

Moving into our new, larger space two years ago was transformative—we had worked tirelessly for weeks demoing,...

Summer Fashion Must-Haves!

Summer Fashion Must-Haves!

Only summer vibes here! Coastal blue hues and airy, breezy fabrics have us dreaming of the beach! Or maybe you are...

Mother’s Day Gift Guides

Mother’s Day Gift Guides

It’s time to celebrate M O M!  We are so excited to launch our 2022 Mother’s Day Gift Guides! While you are...

Wedding and Event Design

Wedding and Event Design

It makes us so happy to see all the design elements of your wedding come together seamlessly. We want your vibe to...

Valentine’s Date Night

Valentine’s Date Night

Valentine’s Day date night is back! What special plans are you making for the occasion? Wherever the day or evening...

Cozy up by the … Fireplace!

Cozy up by the … Fireplace!

If you are following along here, chances are you love decorating for Christmas as much as we do! This is the time of...

From our table to yours….

From our table to yours….

And just like that…it’s the holidays. It goes without saying, we can’t wait to gather with our friends and family...

Our Must-Haves for the Season!

Our Must-Haves for the Season!

Autumn Fashion Staple Pieces Last month, we kicked off our autumn collection with a second fashion show! This event is...

I Quit My Career!

I Quit My Career!

Our choice of profession can often define us.  When asked the question, we simply answer…”I’m a teacher, I’m...

Our Summer Must-Have’s

Our Summer Must-Have’s

Summer is here … Our Must Have items for summer!  Were you able to make it to our very first fashion show? If not,...

Define Your Vision…

Define Your Vision…

How do you define your vision?  For us, this question is the first one we ask at the beginning of any design process -...

You can go your own way…

You can go your own way…

“The Power of Positivity”...we’ve all heard it… and frankly, it’s overused - right?! We’re big dreamers over here at...

You’re Engaged! Now what?

You’re Engaged! Now what?

First off, CONGRATULATIONS!!  You are about to begin planning one of your most memorable days, that is over in a blink...

February

February

February is here! The month you know you struggled to spell correctly growing up, The month that has only 28 days...

One word. One Focus. That’s It.

One word. One Focus. That’s It.

One word. One Focus. How can you identify a word that can help you define your next 12 months? How can you possibly...

Christmas Traditions

Christmas Traditions

Here in our new space at OPD we’ve had the opportunity to explore fresh ideas, brainstorm visions for the shop and...

A Fireplace Makeover

A Fireplace Makeover

Lighter, brighter and oh so cozy! Lots of us are jumping into projects in our homes. Some of these projects stem from...

I said Yes, I chose me

I said Yes, I chose me

"August came...8am on a Monday came..and out I went on my front steps to make that call I have waited my entire career...

Backyards & Beaches

Backyards & Beaches

Backyards & Beaches ...  What do each of these have in common? Yes, they're both places that we're retreating to,...

It’s Finally Here

It’s Finally Here

This move has been no joke, but we’re so proud of the end result and all the opportunities that this expansion allows… more product, more workshops, more in-store events, and a whole lot more

Meet the Team

Meet the Team

The women who power OPD. They’ve been behind the scenes since quarantine, but valued nonetheless, so we thought it was high time to give a proper introduction to all the lovely ladies who power the Only Prettier Design Team. 

Meet Dianne

Meet Dianne

    It's Dianne's turn! Get to know the determined heart & soul that's behind the Only Prettier Design Team....

5 Ways of Coping with Quarantine

5 Ways of Coping with Quarantine

Many of you have seen our IG stories documenting our new Store Renovation and may be questioning our sanity. While...

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *